Masih.

Dulu.

LDR - Long Distance Relationship. 4 years. Giler kan. Sampai sekarang takleh nak figure out camne boleh work out selama tu. Gaduh nangis tak payah citer lah. Its blend to the air. Normal lah. Sakit tapi sedap. Busuk tapi senang. Jauh tapi rapat.

Pertengahan 2009 - Sorang Kluang,  sorang Puchong. Sorang sibuk dengan Stpm, sorang sibuk kerja plus hiking sampai ke Kilimanjaro. 1st year, dedua tengah panas lagi, panas rindu, panas perangai.

Pertengahan 2010 - Sorang Muadzam Shah Pahang, sorang Puchong lagi. Sorang sibuk dengan 1st year student life, sorang tengah sibuk berhenti kerja, cari kerja lain. Better offer. Gayut hehari like no one business. Still gaduh. Asam garam der, second phase dah add on ajinamoto.

Pertengahan 2011 - Sorang still still stuck kat Muadzam, sorang dah dapat offer kat Perlis. Nuu jauh ke utara. Makin jauh. The most longest period ever, 8 bulan tak jumpa beb. Meracau. Bergaduh macam dah kawen. Sorang kaki merajuk, sorang kaki-malas-layan. So si kaki merajuk, pujuk diri sendiri.

Pertengahan 2012 - Sorang finale year kat Muadzam, sorang lagi dapat offer PTD, so ber'induksi 6bulan kat Kluang. Dah katenya final year, haruslah jarang balik plus orang yang tengah induksi tu lurus sangat, mintak curicuri keluar pun takmau. Kalau keluar pun, kejapkejap tengok jam, takut kena penalti. Alahai.

Hujung 2012 - Sorang dapat offer intern kat Damansara, sorang lagi, settle induksi dapat offer balik kampung halaman, Melaka. Ni dah tahap hujung nafas, kira gaduh pun tak lut, tak terkesan. Memasing dah hilang rasa, hilang tawa. Lama sangat pun bikin boring.

March 2013 - The end. Dah takboleh terus dah. Gaduh tak, nangis tak, declare no longer together. Win win situation.

Pejam celik pejam celik kan. Kronologi yang simple sangat, tak serabut. Rindu tapi pendam, berhubung tapi tanpa komitmen.

May 2014 - After one year plus, sorang still Damansara,  sorang Putrajaya. Atlast at the same town, unfortunately, no longer together. Meet as stranger, eat like never know each other, updating each other life like never knew before.

Lebih senang ke arah no-commitment-relation. And macam dulu, duadua ada rahsia yang kena pendam untuk kepentingan diri.

Notatumit : Ini bukan jodoh, ini suratan.

Clingy

Salam.

How ya doin? Am great. Melalui harihari yang boring. Giler tak boring. I never rest lepas habis study, continue with internship then terus kerja menggila.

Duduk saje takde buat apa is really killin me. Damn.

Plus bila takde buat apa, mula la emosi nak bergelora. Moody plus emotional. Merepek repek punya perangai. Normal ah. Unstable emotions.

Easy word : mengade ngade.

Sorry b. Its been more than two weeks. See ya shortly. Will be back to normal emotion. Maybe. Lalalala.

Update 2014r0518

Salam.

After 1 year plus I'm officially jobless. Leaving the job was the hardest decision I ever made hence I never regret about the decision. 1 year plus is enough to make you love your company, your colleagues and within the time, its also enough to make decision whether to leave or to stay.

Insyallah, rezeki ada di mana mana.

Got 1 interview session this Wednesday at Cheras. Not hoping but if I get the job, it will be better. Since another 1 month plus going to Hari Raya plus my parent will go to Hajj, so I need job (read : money).

Atleast for my self to survive.

*********************************************************************************

Be at home since last Thursday, counted : 4th day, already gaduh with my mom. Sharing same birthday date, zodiac is not good thing. Both of us so panas if stay to long together.

Since memang dah lama tak gaduh, so small things pun boleh jadi issue. And like always, no one will pujuk each other, pujuk diri sendiri lah. Its not something that I can proud of, but sometimes this situation can tahan until a month.

Zzzzz.

Oklah, later girls. Wish me luck for any job interview come forward.

Take care!

Decide. Decision. Deal.

Suppose to leaving.

Meet him in his car, the same car, same person, same parking lot. I couldn't say 'we're done ', after his words - "You have promised that we're going to stay in 2 years".

Cry. Yes me.

Everyone thinks that they are strong, but when you couldn't do anything, strong is just a words. Hugs and say "Everything gonna be okay, baby". I don't need the words, I need that hugs. Keep it warm, as my heart every time I'm with you. 

"Can we just think about us, without include others?"

"It's not threat but to say I'm serious with this relationship".

"I don't want you to leave".

I wish I can, I wish I'm selfish enough.

I'd never been wordless like tonight, he's the one who talk, touch, clean my tears. My first tears in front of him, "You will never cry for someone you not love, baby. I know you love me and you know I do the same".

Shit. I'm producing those tears again. 

Yes I do, but soon nor later, we should end this ---> this line suppose out from my mouth around 20 min ago. Tonight so damn cold, enough to make me think that I'm alone in this hectic city. KL never been this cold.

Helpless, hopeless.

END? Not yet. In my dream, maybe tonight, as those tears still going.