New Start

Assalamualaikum.

Maybe this is the last post as am no longer logged in to this website, I think. In 3 days will be Eid Fitri for 2019 and in 10 days will be marked 6 month I've been move out from Kluang, my home. Tbh, I hate a 'new start', the awkward feelings, the blind steps, new environment & new people - not because of them, because I hate to mingle around with my fake faces.

In this 6 month, everything is fine. I will survive, everyday.

Hastamanyana!

Stranger's Proposal

Assalamualaikum.

I did mention bout this before, maybe not the whole story but maybe a glimpse. Exactly one year ago, this one guy ask me to married him. Yeah be his fucking wife. And being myself I laughs out loud because that's the most ridiculous things happen to me on 2016.

I dunno him, we rarely talk, normal chats on Whatsapp for few weeks and finally I decided to meet him. My 1st impressions was nope, he's not the one. Not bcos his appreance, nor his whatever conditions but bcos my heart say no. You know like when we 1st met a person and it feels like blerghh, the conversations, the feels. But being a nice Ain and polite, I said we should be friend first, give us some time.

That was before he ask me married him.

And after like one week, he's start to give me the idea that he will marry me, like he ask for permission to meet my parent, ask bout the dowry etc. I mean he's like 100% sure that am goin to marry him. My only concern at that time, this guy think that am desperate to get married and I will agree to married him. Fyi, am plussize and not so prettayy plus am broke plus am at late 20s.

I admit that my wrong action at that point was, I still go out with him after I said no to his proposal. I got no choice tho, he suddenly came to my house and ask me to go dinner with him, and I cant ask him to go back bcos his house like 100km from mine.

And this keep repeating until end of December when am about to have my short vacay with Balqis. He insists to send me to Melaka and KLIA and I said yes. Thats the climax, he tried to control my life when am nobody to him. He want to be sure that am not going with other guy. Wtf, who are you man? And the annoying part is when I was at Langkawi he keep calling and want to check wherever am at, whatever am doing.

I know maybe for some people he's sounds so concern, caring or whatever fuckin words that suit but weeks before I fly to Langkawi, I already mention that I might not available to pick up ur calls or reply ur chats, and he gets angry right away. Wtf.

And when I reach KLIA around 9pm, he already on his way to Melaka as am will transit to Melaka before goin back to my place. And my plan was I stay at Balqis's for a night before back to Johor and he definitely ruins everything. And after that incident, I rarely pick up his call, reply his text and etc.

One thing that I cant really compromise was he came to my house to meet my parents when am not at the house. And when am back, I asked him to leave and dont call me ever again. Thats the end, I never meet him after that.

The-5month-tragic-story-happened-2016.

Nope, am not trauma but this is just a pitstop. Funny one.

Hastamanyana.

Oldies

Assalamualaikum.

Once dah log in blogger, haruslah tinggalkan sehelai dua post. Kang lepas 6bulan pulak post baru. Bila entah nak retired dari blogger ni ntah. Instagram pon dah buat InstaStory tapi Iols totaaappp menulis macam jaman tok kaduk.

Like whoooo cares!

Attached pic tu #throwback masa pi Sabah last two month. Tetibe Iols rindu pulak.

Hastamanyana.

Bossy me.

Assalamualaikum.

Wow almost end of 2017 and here I am not moving out from blogger tho. I'm oldschool, outdated liddat. Aaaaaannnndd I know am the only one who read my post, but who cares. All this writings for older me, when am no longer can't remember anything/anyone - dementia maybe.

Bossy. I am bossy.

Am bossy about everything, in every situation but I'm very cooperative. And the bossy me hates when people not being cooperative. I dunno what phase I am but definitely being annoyed by everyone around me. Being matured Ain, I choose family over everything, when I said everything, its really fuckin everything.

If anyone really needs my opinion then they need to be followed my 'opinion'. And if you think you aren't  gives shit about my opinion then stop askin my fuckin opinion bitch. This 'opinion' not free, the fees is to followed.

I definitely will step up from anything you don't want me to be participate.

My job is done by your action.

Hastamanyana.

Almost half year

108/365 : 2017

Assalamualaikum.

Wow, be away for almost 7month. I miss writing, I miss update whatever situations am at or things I do. Tapi pemalasss and no-time-lah. Let me list down first things I've been doing this past half year.

1. Short get away/new year eve with SB
2. Anonymous propose & funniest move on
3. Divorcee
4. Repeated feelings

That's all for now.

Hastamanyana.

Kifarah

Assalamualaikum.

Riiiiiiinnnnnnnnnddddduuuu.

1 year exactly, and now my feeling were the same feeling I felt when I'm at my previous job, in the same situation. I feel like I'm out, my soul was no longer here. Is it what they called job-hopper-syndrome? I hate it!

I hate the feeling that I feel stucked inside my own space.

I can't do this, I can't afford to be jobless again right now.

God, please make me stronger. I beg.

Short Gate-away

Assalamualaikum.

It's a day after my 26th birthday, 16:20, live from Bernama Library 11th floor. Happy birthday Ain, may God bless our life, ease everything. 

I left Kluang around 19:30 yesterday, reach TBS around 23:00. I was planning to try UBER but un/fortunately my aunt has waiting in lobby. Yup I'm on short gate-away for my 26th birthday, new environments, not really fresh air (haze coming around tho). I really need this, I really need someone or somewhat situation that can make me appreciate my current life. Its not like I'm not but I kept trying to leaving it for something new.

Yeah its a good plan, but for now, this situation, this economic-problem-things, I don't think this is the best decision I would make. I love my current job but for sure its not enough for me, I mean for my commitments. I'm not demanding but just need something better for me and my fam.

Back to short gate-away, I take 3.5days off. Kluang - Kl - Jb.

Full schedule with couples of friends getting married, sigh, I want to be there but..

May Allah ease everything for me.

Hastamanyana!

So setupid aiyoo

Assalamualaikum.

This post could be a funny story nor angrily-annoyingly. I dunno if I'm the one who react over emotional or I'm supposed to. Confuse kan? Same goes to me tho. Pity meeee.

I just dont get it, how could you changed your privacy post every time you want to post something to your timeline. Like ' eh harini aku nak post something tapi kena hide from si polan' but the next post kau decide nak show off your post to every single person, I mean public. Soooo 2011, when facebook started to launching visible/invisible post on timeline.

Nope, aku tak hamak langsung whatever you posted on your timeline tapi I feel awkward when you yourself ask me to view your post which you yourself hides from me.

Bodohnye.

Why I need to deal with somebody who act like the stupidest in the world? Why this kind of attitude can take over my whole day of good mood, which I need it until midnight but this guy spoiled it. Sigh.

Hastamanyana.

Heavy topics ever !

Assalamualaikum.

I know its February but still HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS!

Updates updates updatea! Being busy queen bee all the way from Nov to Jan, yelah dah back to working life katenyer haruslah busy. Stress tetap ada but in different perspective I guess. Still here in Kluang, home sweet mommy home. Haha. Lower cost but heavy commitment. Like hello I'm 26yo, for sure all the burden were more heavier.

Okay back to my topic for today, MARRIAGE.

Yeah, Ain still single, not married, no rings on her hand but I got brain tho. I take all the good thing and leave all bad things behind lah. Yup I'm not in your shoes but its your own choice not mine. Okay tu baru intro. Back in last 3 month, I being friend with a 39yo woman whos getting married (back on Nov) to foreigner guy. I helped here with all documentation for his bf, which is now her husband. Everythinnggg, visa, married form etc.

She's seems so blurred about everything, every aspects. So my-so-called kind hearted tolong la dia. At least I got the idea about getting married even not with other foreigners. Nope, I'm not racist but still semua kerja documentation sangat sangat menyusahkan. Plus she tells me that she lost around 10K MYR for all this, flight tickets, petrol gas, go here and there untuk settle kan documentation so that her husband can come to Malaysia and they can be married.

Yeah her 10K, not his. Are you guys get what I'm trying hardly to explained here? This marriage is not only one side effort, its partnership tho. You broke in your country and now you want to be married with a woman who pays for everything. Damn. Did I mention earlier about this woman age? Her husband is only 25yo this year, budak budak lagi woii.

Hence, ape ape pun, its her decision. I got no right at all in this. Unfortunately, last two days, she came back and ask me a favor to write another letter for her beloved hubby so that he can get multiple entry here in Malaysia. Nope I'm not complaining but still benda mudah but that fuller (guy) menyusahkan semua pihak.

Plus sempat lagi akak tu cite about she transferred some amount money to her hubby. Mampusss. Dalam hati jer mampu ku menjerit. Ya Allah, lepas kawen pun still tanggung lagi. Wah wah wah besar kepale lah kau!! Sakitnye hati aku.

Like I said earlier, marriage is all about commitments. Everything, money, time, energy. But bila kau menyusahkan your partner, I guessed you're not suppose to get married yet. When we talk about build a life together, it mean two sided. Prepared yourself, asked yourself if you suppose to get married, do you affordable to support your wife/husband, or even do you affordable to support your own maintenance in term of whatever you need instead you asked money?

Right, jangan berkira but when its cost up until 10K not berkira is called bodoh. You're not prepared at all.

After all, I wish her happy thru all this problematic phase. Plus good luck for my future married life tho. Hope I'm prepared enough.

Don't get married if you're unable to take care of your own self - Ain, 2016.

Hasta manyana!

Heart to heart

Assalamualaikum.

Pagi tadi sebelum gerak pegi keje, sempat morning talk dengan mak. Pasal kahwin. Selalunya kalau bab ni, conversation ni akan bertukar jadi benda kelakar sebab nobody take it serious tapi ntah ape silapnya topic jadi serious bila aku cakap

"Mak tu yang tak terima jodoh ain, macamane nak kawen."

Tak sempat habis ayat terus mak cakap,

"Mak ni nak ko kawen dengan orang yang boleh ajar ko ngaji, ajak sembahyang same same, ade kerja bagus bagus dannn boleh jage ko macam mak abah jage ko. Mak sayang sebab tu mak memilih."

Terus airmata laju mengalir tanpa sedu, tanpa kelip.

Terus angkat beg, amek kunci, gerak gerak gerak khassss.

Tu je.

Hasta manyana!

Bad Day

Assalamualaikum.

Been a while, back to busy bee queen. Start workin back, temporary maybe. Nice place, nice people, nice environment and the biggest bonus is nice bosses. Not to say that my previous boss is not nice, but maybe I'm the one who not hardcore enough to worked with him. But after all, I is bersyukur dengan ape yang diberi. Alhamdulillah.

Bad day-but not really the worst bad day. But still tertumpah airmate duyung mak. I've been thru the worst bad day ever before, so this small things/problem doesn't touch me too much. Everytime am facing small difficulties, I'll throwback my past so that I know if I can go thru the hard time, why not this time.

I'm not that kind person who compare their life to others, to say that they got the bigger probs, they the only person in this world who facing difficulties yada yada. Like hellooo, bukak sikit mata besarbesar boleh, lain orang lain problem. Lain orang lain penyelesaian. Kononkonon nak bagitau the whole world kau lah satusatunya manusia paling though facing all kind of probs. Bullshit man!

See dah melalut lalut.

Cry is the best cure for any situation thou. Happy moment, sad, confused etc, cry can make you calm even the problem haven't solve yet - Ain, 2015.

May I be the stronger person my self ever met! Aminn.

Opposite sex - best friends.

Assalamualaikum.

Few days ago mase duk ralit scroll down FB news feed, terjumpa one screenshot conversation between bestfriends, opposite sex-bestfriend. Ape yang buat aku tertarik is the caption "inilah jadinya bila bestfriend kau seorang lelaki..". As you guys can see the attached pic here, that girl nak meluahkan problem dia to her bestfriend which is a guy. Nampak cute kan?But in reality, for my case, its totally different.

I do have few guy bestfriend. Biase lah fomfuan kasor plus bbw macam iols ni, stock buat bestfriend je der. HAHA. Yang stock stock comeylotey, keayuan tu semua stock buat awek kan. Yes I is faham. But I do glad that I have them as my bestfriend, we can talk dirty without feel ashamed or guilty, we can rely when we have problem with our motorcycle, part ni untuk aku je la, we can share something loveydovey yang sesuai untuk di share dengan girl yang bukan awek (tak sesuai share sesame lelaki, dikuatiri kedengaran gay-ish), etc.

People said that we can't be bestfriend with someone that opposite sex, because they said any relationship that included opposite sex members will lead to a romantic relationship. Yes it might be happen but surely not for me, I mean tengoklah aku macamane plus diorang ni over taste tinggi melangit so, there's no chance at all that we can fall in love with each other. LOL sangat. Plus am the type of person that hardly falls in love especially to someone that I know for a long time. Like hello aku kenal baik buruk atas bawah luar dalam, camno la den nak terfalling in love nye?

Plus for my case, they're all occupied, means they're not single. Kitorang rapat pon even before diorang ni in relationship. But still they can share anything including their relationship prob/stories etc. Macam borak kedai kopi gitu ah. Yang nak bagitau different ape yang jadi dengan attached pic with my case is diorang yang mengadu domba, meluah rasa. Pulaknya jenis yang meluahrasa bukan boleh main message/whatsapp tapi kena bercakap, kena call, kena dengar suara.

Frankly speaking, bestfriend (guy) pulak jenis emotional lebih, kang lambat angkat or bila kredit habis and tak call back kate kite ni taknak layan problem die, hadoii. Bace macam cute kan, tapi nak melayan tuuu, pusing kaplaa. Siap keluar ayat "dahla Ain, ko macam taknak reply je, sorry susahkan kau, yada yada". Mak is stress. Yela dulu zaman study kadangkadang busy kesini kesitu kan. Lambat reply mase emo conversation, dah cakap kite taknak layan. Kadangkadang pulak call pukul 2-3 pagi semate mate suruh dengar die main gitar, lagu dituju untuk awek tapu pakse aku dengar. Grrrr.

Tapi its ok, bila teringat balik rasa kelakar sangat, and I happy that I'm always there for them. Takdapat tolong settle problem tapi jadi telinga untuk dengar masalah pun ok what. As long as they're feel better, I'm a happy to help. Here's few tips for this kind of friendship :

1. Keep a logic distance.

- Janganlah duk mesej/call/berkepit 24/7. Kang bila orang cakap 'eh korang ni ehem ehem ke' kan dah awkward, plus awkward situation makes people separate tho. Plus nanti patner dia or patner kite pikir bukan bukan. Tak bagus.

2. Be reminded that we're not here for occupied their heart.

- Na-ah! Stick to friendship rules.

3. Stay away from awkward conversation.

- Ade kan benda benda awkward yang tak sesuai dikongsi and better keep it by our self. So dont share, refer to no.1, awkward situation makes people separate. Yelah kau dah termalu malu teruslah malu nak share benda lain kan.

Thats all. Panjang akak bebel.

Hasta manyana !

Bebel bebel

Assalamualaikum.

Selamat Hari Raya uols!

Dah raya ke-12 dah weh, hahaha tak kisahlah. Kate orang Joho kan, raya sebulan peh. So, my hari raya was fine, smooth and yang paling penting, less moody & less drama. Drama sikit sikit tu biasa ler, tak rayer ler kalau tak drama. Like previous hari raya (25th raya already), last day berbuka kat rumah nenek, rewang rewang kejap lepastu cabut balik rumah. Pagi raya baru datang balik, ni lah untungnya bila rumah dekat dekat. Family's theme this year is green, yeayyy my fav colour.

Skip cerita raya--

Banyak sebenarnya benda nak share tapi nak karang plus nak tapis untuk kesesuaian tontonan umum adalah sangat payah eh. Lemme start with BAD DECISI0N. Me my self with bad decision adalah macam saka, tak boleh dipisahkan and selalunya something yang kita tahu benda tu akan menyusahkan but still taking risk. Dah nama pun Ain kan, tak buat salahsilap tu memang tak sah. Tapi being this kind of person makes me more matured and have some experience to share with people around me.

Everyone have their own history, either the bad ones or the beautiful ones. Kita ni manusia biasa jer, memang selalu sangat buat benda bodoh tapi kena sedar diri, jangan lah ulang balik and become a better person after that. Tapi pulaknya ada segelintir manusia ni lupa, lupa yang dia pun pernah buat silap, lupa yang dia pun ada bad history, lupa yang diri dia tu manusia biasa jugak. Duk sibuk canang sini sinun pasal history orang, duduk cucuk sana sini. Hari raya ni cheq, baru semalamnya hang duk salam peluk nangis mintak maaf, harini hang duk mengata pasal orang tu. Doa yang terbaik sudahlah.

Jangan sampai satu hari nanti, ada orang singkap sejarah silam kelam hang tuu!

0k tutup cerita hat tu. Next! Still pasal bad decision. Pasal budak budak hingusan zaman sekarang ni. Duk sibuk bercinta sana sini sampai tolak mak bapak semata mata nak mempertahankan cinta monyet. Yang si boboy, SPM pun tak amek lagi, pegi sekolah pun malas tapi sibuk nak amik nak hantar anak dara orang. Yang si gegirl pulak, nak kata desperate, umur baru 18tahun, nak kata takde rupa, aku tengok boleh tahan jer tapi yang pilih bf tak abis spm plus malas pegi sekolah ngapelaa deknon oi. Bukak bukak la mata, cari lah yang habis sekolah, yang berkerja.

Bf dia tu dah lah tak amik spm lagi, pegi sekolah pun malas plus dah malas sekolah tu, pegi lah kerja, tidak jugak. Habis tu macamane bercinta tu? Bukan ke bercinta ni nak gi dating, nak belanja movie, karok, top up. Haihh setakat bf macamni kau sanggup gaduh dengan bapak kau terok terok, berbaloi ke? Jangan esok lusa bila kau dah reti  fikir, baru nak tergadah menyesal tiada gunaaaa.

No, aku bukan materialistik tapi aku realistik. 

Next! Bad big decision. Marriage is the most big decision you will ever make in your entire life. Bukan main main. Bukan harini kawen, esok clash, cari suami/isteri baru. Bukan harini gaduh, esok nak break sekejap. Nope. Marriage is all about commitment. Yes aku belum kawen but I have family and friends yang dah kawen. Plus aku jenis manusia yang reti nak observe plus kita pilih benda betul instead pilih benda salah. Untuk nasihat benda benda betul & benda positive, I dont have to be a married woman to giving +ve advises. Simple as that.

Plus before kawen tu, tak pikir masak masak ke? Ke sebab tengok semorang kawen, kau nak kawen. Benda ni bukan untuk orang lain, its for my own self jugak, esok lusa nak kawen pikir lapahpuluhribukali. Betul ke nak kawen, betul ke boleh hidup sesame sampai bongkok tiga, betul ke boleh commits towards each other even theres so many problem we will be facing in the future?

"Love doesn't just sit there, like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; remade all the time, made new." - Ursula Le Guin

Dah penat bebel, nak bayar berapa nih?

Hasta manyana!

Mash-up

Assalamualaikum.

Since forever dah tak update sini, moh la kita start balik. Rasanye belum terlambat lagi nak wish Salam Ramadhan. Even lagi 5 hari nak syawal dah. Atleast ada jugak la post untuk Ramadhan tahun ni. Everything was fine and on going. Emo sane sini biase la tuh. Ramadhan tahun ni rase macam aku dah tua sangat, ntah. Raya pulak memang dah 2-3 tahun ni no more raya mood. Raya untuk kanak kanak je kot. Ke perasaan aku je?

Ni aku nak share, FB post (emo post) :

Meleis sangat.

Bila guna 'iftar' instead berbuka hilang kemelayuan. Bila pakai jubah katenyer nak jadi arab, takut kemelayuan hilang didunia, Hang Tuah pun tinggal nama je kat dunia ni dik. Nasib baik Jebat ade lagi kat Astro Mustika. Bila orang lagi pentingkan kemelayuan dari keislaman.

Meleis sangat.

Bila wombat disangka babi. Eh xboleh sebut babi, khinzir lagi elok. Bila tanda salib tiba tiba muncul dimana mana, di pagar, di baju raya. Katenyer benda sedemikian rupa mampu menggugat keimanan seseorang. Sampaikan salib di gereja pun terpaksa diturunkan.

Meleis sangat.

Bila part nak jatuhkan melayu sendiri, dia no 1. Instead of tegur diorang lebih suka kutuk. Padahal rasa iri hati mengatasi segalanya. Bila serbanistas kate xboleh panggil 'mummy', dikatakan maksud binatang disebaliknya. Bila dulu kononnya lagu 'Gangnam Style' dikatakan mengutuk Nabi Muhammad, nak jadi yahudi yada yada. Tu belum sentuh part dubmash & aiskrim pasu.

Tapi bukan semua melayu, meleis kan. Se-dua-tiga-gelintir je kan. Selamat bersungkai, eh karang orang mengata pulak konon nak jadi Sabahan.

For sure ramai dah baca pasal, Astro Awani posts on FB, pasal Arabnism kat Malaysia bikin kemelayuan hilang. Macam aku dah bebel kat atas tu, ni semua issue basi yang tak patut jadi issue pon. Bazir mase. Plus last 2 day, kecoh pasal Lowyat. Melayu jugak tu. Issue racism lagi. Whatevs malas dah aku nak layan. Bace buat hilang bosan boleh la. Basii.

Tu je nak update. Selamat Hari Raya uols !

Hasta manyana !

Buat Perangai

Assalamualaikum.

Someone who really know me will know that me and Mak are always like cat and dog. Ade je bende tak kena. Tak kena pada aku, tak kena pada dia. Senang cerita tak pernah sependapat. Dari zaman study dulu, tak boleh cuti lame sikit (like sem break) mesti 2nd or 3rd day dah start gaduh. Aku tak macam Along, die lemah lembut, dengar cakap plus Mak pun sayang die lebih. So memang aku sorang ah dalam rumah ni tempat lepas marah, tempah gaduh Mak. Yang jejantan tak payah cakap lah, memang di sanjung bak sultan.

Memang dari azali aku tak pernah tak gaduh dengan Mak. Pasal tak buat kerja rumah la, pasal tak pakai tudung, pasal pakai baju tak sopan, pasal perangai, pasal semua benda. Pantang gaduh, kang dengar la aku hentak pintu kuat kuat walaupun zaman tu pintu dah xboleh lock, so aku & Along lock pintu guna sendal pakai surat khabar. Semua benda tak kena dari hujung rambut sampai hujung kaki. Ntah.. I couldn't remember when the last time I felt the same like today. Seingat aku, aku dah move on. Dah malas nak pikir pasal sedih medih macam ni yg in the end, aku tetap akan sedih.

Dari aku muda remaja, memang problem. Malas belaja, bengap sikit, terikut ikut kawan (kate diorg), asik bergayut sampai bill mengunung, sekolah agama tak habis, memang banyak point ah nak kena dengan Mak. Aku pulak pantang dengan orang tak habis habis lecture. Panas sangat telinga mula la nak membalas, mengamuk, menjerit. Well that's me. Aku tak pernahnya betol. Kalau diaries aku masih wujud, memang banyak ah caci maki sumpah seranah dalam tu.

The most things that can me relief is I told myself that one day I will leave this house, so that everyone can be happy ever after esp Mak. Aku berharap hari hari, lepas aku abis sekolah memang aku angkat kaki. Tup tup lepas Spm tak dapat banyak offer, bengap kan, dapat Politeknik Arau tapi Mak tak kasi, jauh sangat, dapat Unisel, Angah cucuk Mak cakap tak bagus, swasta. Last last aku masuk Form 6.

Habis Form 6, angkat kaki pergi Pahang, sambung degree 3 tahun. Habis degree terus kerja kat Damansara but now am stuck back here. Ni baru lepas gaduh entah kali ke berapa ribu untuk 2015. And after soo long, hasrat aku nak berambus datang lagi. Aku nak kerja jauh jauh, kerja yang tak boleh cuti raya. Kerja shift, kerja yang macam takde life macam my previous job. Aku nak balik Kluang setahun sekali je. Aku nak tukar no phone so that no one can reach me nor find me.

Ya Allah, bagi lah aku rezeki ini ya Allah.

But I know my self well. Bila aku start duduk jauh/duduk luar Kluang, I will always make time to balik at least once in 2 weeks. If tak silap aku, masa kat Pahang, paling lama takbalik sebulan, and masa kat Kl, 2 bulan paling lama. Home is always be my comfort place, my heaven in this world. Sekeras keras hati aku, ada sikit tisu gak. Yeah maybe Mak and I are meant to be to bergaduh all the time. Sayang tak semestinya bersatu kan.

Let my dream to be where they should be.

Love-hate-connection

Assalamualaikum.

2015 is my 25th years living in this world, this extraordinary creation of God. Age changed me alot. From a rebel kiddo to a matured lady, from zero to something. My family is one of the reasons for me to change, to be a better person. As some people know, I'm not a family person when I was a teenager. I rather choose outsider (which is friends) than my own blood. At that time, friends is everything, they always for you up and down, understand you until makes you think that you don't need your family.

But everything changed. When friends leaving, family still there. When I'm fall, my family will help me out. Whatever bad thing I did, curse I make, they stand still. People come and go but your family will never be that 'people'.

Almost 5 years I'm away, not living with them, makes me appreciate them more, makes me realize that I need them more than everything. And the more important part is I'm more protector than before. I  hate when people treat them badly. Bak kata orang Melayu "cubit peha kiri, peha kanan terasa sakitnya".

Unfortunately, my family such an angel. Helping or treating people so fucking nicely even that people will never give back what you give them. Those people are so selfish, they only appear when they need something but my family, like always, be there for them every times. Imma a hatred thou, once you make me or you treated my fam badly, you will never be in my list. So just take it when I treat you bad, its karma.

" When you realize that you're constantly treating a person alot better than they treat you, its time to make a change. "

I can be an angel if you be nice to me but watch out, am surely have my evil part too. U messed up with my family, u mess with me too!

Hasta manyana !

Obsession

Assalamualaikum.

Sejak dua menjak ni asyik ngadap banyak movie. Lama and baru. The latest one is The Cobbler, rasenye tak keluar lagi kat Malaysia. Adam Sandler kan, so tau tau je la macam mane gila dia tu. Tapi macam sedih tengok movie tu sebab Adam nampak tua sangat. Maybe sebab dia bawak watak macam tu tapi kat mata tu nampak sangat tua. Huaaa my fav actor dah tua means aku pun tuaaa. Semua movie aku tengok online, yelah madang tengok panggung je tapi at last yang bestnye popcorn semata. Mak is stress!

Last two night kot, tak hingat, I'm watching Insurgent, sambungan dari Divergent. Perghh memang terbaik lah cerita macam ni. Divergent aku tengok dalam 2-3 bulan lepas kot pastu keluar pulak kat Astro. Insurgent pun tengah main lagi kat panggung (if tak silap). Dahla hero mantap gitu, hensem, ber-tattoo. Pastu muka macam pelakon Malaysia, sape name die, khairi belakang die gitu. Tapi movie ni memang highly recommended! 

And aku dah tengok Fifty Shades of Grey, hmmm malas nak ulas. Best ceritanye tapi banyak part tutt lah kan, tapi rasenye takde lah exotic sangat, lebih kurang movie yang boleh tayang kat Malaysia tapi part tutt tu extra banyak. Tu je. Tapi part Christian duk sweet dengan Ana tu buat Iols tersengih sengih jugakla. Gila tak tersengih, naik kapal terbang peribadi, bagi kereta, Ana tak angkat call terus datang. Auwww. Tapi macam kurang fit la watak Christian dengan that guy. Kena lagi charm kot. Btw great ending.

Ok, after three paragraph, currently I'm obsessed with series! Latest series pulak tu, so kena tunggu one week for new episode. Two different series pulak tu. Stress! Izombie & The Returned. Izombie pasal Liv, medic, pergi satu party tetiba jadi zombie. So dia consume brains la kan, and luckily lepas jadi zombie dia kerja dekat makmal jenayah, so bila dia makan otak mangsa mangsa dia dapat vision siapa yang bunuh si mati la. At the same time, dia tolong la detektif tu settle kan case. So satu ep satu case. The Returned pulak pasal orang mati hidup balik, like a girl after 6 years dead, a guy after 7 years etc. Each person ada cerita masing masing. Awal awal episod show like diorang tak bahaya, bukan zombie la, latest episod baru nak tunjuk how danger they turned to be. Omg cannot wait ! Meh aku share sinopsis ;

Izombie - Liv Moore was a medical resident and an overall happy person. She had a happy loving family, a funny and cute fiance and she loved spending time with her friends. But her whole life went downhill at a party, at which she was turned into a zombie. Now she only hungers for brains. She quit her job at which she had a promising career, and started to work at the Seattle PD morgue, not only to satisfy her urge for brains, but to help the Police Department at solving crimes as a "psychic" consultant. With the help of her boss Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti, who is more fascinated by her condition than scared of it, and Detective Clive Babinaux, who believes that Liv is a psychic, she must help the people of Seattle, understand her condition, find out how she was turned into a zombie, and fight a menace on the rise.

The Returned - Focuses on a small town that is turned upside down when several local people, who have been long presumed dead suddenly reappear, having not aged and unaware of their own fatality. As they attempt to resume their lives, strange phenomena and gruesome murders begin to occur.

Banyak lagi aku tengah follow, Roommate, Korean Tv series, aku dah follow dari tahun lepas, dah seasons 2 dah. Semua aku tengok online, nak tunggu tv, lambatt. Haa Interns, Singapore Tv series, almost last episode, aku tak kenal pun pelakonnya semua, kenal script writer je, so dengan fancy-sarcastic dialog makes me stay. HAHA. And lastly, Yo Soy Betty, La Fea. Ni aku layan kat tv. Mengimbau dulu dulu, mase tingkatan 1 kot. Dah episod 100 dah ni. lagi lebih kurang 35 episod. Aku sebenarnya nak tunggu part transform je. 

Kemain telenovela ni kan, ingat lagi dolu dolu mase sekolah, tunggu sampai ngantuk cerita kat NTV7 & TV3. Rosalinda, Miss Tres Hermanas, Maria Mercedez, etc. Tua dah woiii !

Hasta manyana ( See you tomorrow - pengaruh Betty )

Circle

Assalamualaikum

Circle? Bulat? Ade ape dengan sang cicle.

Actually aku baru post something kat facebook. A photo with a quote. Me and quotes were inseparable. Aku suka quotes and sometimes aku boleh create my own quotes. Ok melalut lagi. Aku post gambar me & Uniten's friends while we celebrating new year for 2011. Our precious new year eve at Teluk Cempedak, Kuantan. With quote :

" Things change and friends leave. But life doesn't stop for anybody." - Stephen Chbosky

Yeah, people come people go. Kitaran yang kita akan lalui dari kecik sampai kita mati. I do have friends when am in kindergarden but as soon start masuk real school, I dont even remember them. Same lah seterusnya, dari primary school,i membawak ke uni life sampailah office mate. They're my friends but they aren't real friend.

My truly friends are the one who stay even we're not talk everyday, we're not met every month. And they still there when we need.

Kalau nak kira kawan, tak cukup jari nak kira. I used to have ramai sangat close friend but in the end someone who I think he/she will be there are neven been there pon. Like bertepuk sebelah tangan. I dont blame them, its me. Aku cepat sangat close dengan orang, that's why. Aku cepat sangat entitled them as my friends.

But now, am minimize my circle. Only the limited edition will be in. I dont want to history repeat itself. With couple of times being betrayed, I cant take it no more. I feel wasted, wasted for being a good friend to they, wasted because I used choose them over my family. Tu lah, orang dah cakap, family 1st. Degil sangat kan dah kena.

I never regret anything. Semua yang jadi mematangkan aku. So that I can make clear decision, so I can choose wisely. So people tak boleh pijak aku lagi. No, am not going to curse or blame you. Doakan kau untuk bahagia lebih membahagiakan aku. Kita sama sama bahagia, cuma tak bersama. Memasing ade hidup memasing.

Shit happens, life must go on.

Novel Review : Angus, Himself *Lejen Press

Assalamualaikum.

Ok dah lama sebenarnye addicted kat Lejen Press punya product ni. Ohsem sangat, bukan typical novel with typical love story. Tak ingat bila start follow and collect buku buku ni, if aku boleh rewind nanti aku buat post lain. Sebenarnya ade banyak buku waiting list untuk dibaca, beli banyak masa kat Damansara. Tapi since work situation sangat busy and takde life, so stop la midnight reading session aku. So lately ni baru nak start brush up reading skill. Ok ok start review, Ain !

Angus, Himself by A.B. Hashim

Ni satu satunya English novel by Lejen Press yang aku ada. If tak silap ade lagi beberapa lagi nurkilan AB Hashim ni, Timid, Five Thieving Bastard etc. Ntah macam mane tak jadi beli Timid haritu. One thing yang paling melekatkan aku dengan buku ni sebab dia punya latar tempat, which is Tronoh, Ipoh. Bayangkan ah kau baca English novel yang kekonon fefeling oversea but its happen in Ipoh. One of my fav place, ntah dari dulu. If aku percaya dengan past life, maybe hayat aku dulu aku stay Ipoh.

Lagi satu, Angus's lifestyle. Sex and liquor. Simple life, tak serabut, no commitment. Woman craving for him just because people talk about him. Dia takpayah promote himself or approach woman with perfect pick up line pon. Perfecto ! And how he's fulfilled woman needs. Ohhh perfect hero. Plus tak perlu jalan cerita meleweh leweh, different timeline and how Angus hates Kl's hectic. 

Tapi banyak part poem yang aku skip just because I cant wait for another sessions with Angus. HAHA

" Be a man. That's the least you can do. 'Coz the hero spots are taken "

2015 Weddings