Update 2014r0518

Salam.

After 1 year plus I'm officially jobless. Leaving the job was the hardest decision I ever made hence I never regret about the decision. 1 year plus is enough to make you love your company, your colleagues and within the time, its also enough to make decision whether to leave or to stay.

Insyallah, rezeki ada di mana mana.

Got 1 interview session this Wednesday at Cheras. Not hoping but if I get the job, it will be better. Since another 1 month plus going to Hari Raya plus my parent will go to Hajj, so I need job (read : money).

Atleast for my self to survive.

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Be at home since last Thursday, counted : 4th day, already gaduh with my mom. Sharing same birthday date, zodiac is not good thing. Both of us so panas if stay to long together.

Since memang dah lama tak gaduh, so small things pun boleh jadi issue. And like always, no one will pujuk each other, pujuk diri sendiri lah. Its not something that I can proud of, but sometimes this situation can tahan until a month.

Zzzzz.

Oklah, later girls. Wish me luck for any job interview come forward.

Take care!

Decide. Decision. Deal.

Suppose to leaving.

Meet him in his car, the same car, same person, same parking lot. I couldn't say 'we're done ', after his words - "You have promised that we're going to stay in 2 years".

Cry. Yes me.

Everyone thinks that they are strong, but when you couldn't do anything, strong is just a words. Hugs and say "Everything gonna be okay, baby". I don't need the words, I need that hugs. Keep it warm, as my heart every time I'm with you. 

"Can we just think about us, without include others?"

"It's not threat but to say I'm serious with this relationship".

"I don't want you to leave".

I wish I can, I wish I'm selfish enough.

I'd never been wordless like tonight, he's the one who talk, touch, clean my tears. My first tears in front of him, "You will never cry for someone you not love, baby. I know you love me and you know I do the same".

Shit. I'm producing those tears again. 

Yes I do, but soon nor later, we should end this ---> this line suppose out from my mouth around 20 min ago. Tonight so damn cold, enough to make me think that I'm alone in this hectic city. KL never been this cold.

Helpless, hopeless.

END? Not yet. In my dream, maybe tonight, as those tears still going.

Hikmah

Assalamualaikum.

Last post otw ke muadzam. Today, otw to Kluang.  Yeayyy si tanggang pulang ke pangkuan makpak. I was on leave from yesterday. Working life is so damn hard. Plus lately, macam2 jadi. So I need mom's hugs to re - energize my life.

Pagi2 dah stress, when you get into working life, humanity is not works anymore. They can call whenever they want. At night, subuh, weekend.  They will never being think about you personal life.

Dah name nya aku on leave, stop call me bagai nak gila semata mata nak tanya company reg form. I know you can easily found it when you starts searching. Sabor je lah!

End of that story. Tengah tunggu bus kat TBS, one of this Mak cik tegur. She's stranger but we have citchat like been knows each other for years. She really made my day. Being talk about family, her cucu's and suddenly. ..

"Awak dah kawen? Makcik ada anak lelaki. Duda. Nak kenal2 tak?"

Alahai. Tersipu sipu saye. Hahhaha. She really made my day. Lupa jap problema kat opis tu.

Ok lah got to go. Beradu sat. Sampai umah nak makan masakan mak. I hope got sambal sardin. Yummeyh.

B

Assalamualaikum.

Quick post yer.

Am on my way to Muadzam Shah. Yeah, there again. Depart around 9 tadi, arrive dalam 2pm kot. Then straight g pasar then makan. Macam biasa la if terasa sayu sayu baru lah ada mood nak menulis, ye dak. Busy weh, tak menyempat nak mengadap blog bagai.

(Eh pehal bus ni sejuk sangat, beku hidung wa)

Tadi duk instawalking, jumpa 1 gamba ni. Jap try boleh share sini tak.

Ok tu la.

As I mention before, my latest relay is unique case. I'm the one who choose to be in there. But seriously deep in my heart,  I want to be always be with u, B. Not sharing. No minimum hours. Be seen in public.  Introduce u to my family. Unfortunately,  we cant.

Our relay is not like what I had dream before.

I miss you, B.

Wake Up, Ain!

Assalamualaikum.

Sometimes I'm lost, from realistic mind, from reality.

But I'm kinda love the fantasy, without been thinking about reality, who sucks, who hurts me so much. I love to live my own fantasy world, without hurting my self, am the hero, am the heroin, am the King who control the world, am the queen who control the King. But it's just only in my mind, and I live in the reality living who may hurts you everyday, without any control.

This two weeks is so damn challenging, my emotion, my health, my wealth. I just can't bare anymore. But one step am leaving this kinda situation, its getting better and makes me stay. I know its not a normal relay, and I never dream about being in this kind of relay. Uncontrolled, unexpected. I never wanted this thing happen in my fantasy love story, but who the hell going to give you an option?

Yes, am a side-chick. So?

Did you there when am down? Did you hold my hand when am fall? Did you giving your arm when am crying? NOPE right? So don't you ever think that your judgement will makes me feel guilty, dude. 

When you talk from a typical woman side, did you ever think what the hardest part for being side-chick? I know, you don't even care because its never happen to you. I never wanted to be seen like an angel, like a rainbow but PLEASE DON'T JUDGE. That's all.

" I'm with her, talk with you later"
----Later until 3 days? You'll never know. A side-chick don't need explanation, they just want you there. A side-chick don't care if you have another chicks, they only be jealous of your 1st lady. A side-chick not a clingy type, because she the one who sharing someone's.