Heart to heart

Assalamualaikum.

Pagi tadi sebelum gerak pegi keje, sempat morning talk dengan mak. Pasal kahwin. Selalunya kalau bab ni, conversation ni akan bertukar jadi benda kelakar sebab nobody take it serious tapi ntah ape silapnya topic jadi serious bila aku cakap

"Mak tu yang tak terima jodoh ain, macamane nak kawen."

Tak sempat habis ayat terus mak cakap,

"Mak ni nak ko kawen dengan orang yang boleh ajar ko ngaji, ajak sembahyang same same, ade kerja bagus bagus dannn boleh jage ko macam mak abah jage ko. Mak sayang sebab tu mak memilih."

Terus airmata laju mengalir tanpa sedu, tanpa kelip.

Terus angkat beg, amek kunci, gerak gerak gerak khassss.

Tu je.

Hasta manyana!

Bad Day

Assalamualaikum.

Been a while, back to busy bee queen. Start workin back, temporary maybe. Nice place, nice people, nice environment and the biggest bonus is nice bosses. Not to say that my previous boss is not nice, but maybe I'm the one who not hardcore enough to worked with him. But after all, I is bersyukur dengan ape yang diberi. Alhamdulillah.

Bad day-but not really the worst bad day. But still tertumpah airmate duyung mak. I've been thru the worst bad day ever before, so this small things/problem doesn't touch me too much. Everytime am facing small difficulties, I'll throwback my past so that I know if I can go thru the hard time, why not this time.

I'm not that kind person who compare their life to others, to say that they got the bigger probs, they the only person in this world who facing difficulties yada yada. Like hellooo, bukak sikit mata besarbesar boleh, lain orang lain problem. Lain orang lain penyelesaian. Kononkonon nak bagitau the whole world kau lah satusatunya manusia paling though facing all kind of probs. Bullshit man!

See dah melalut lalut.

Cry is the best cure for any situation thou. Happy moment, sad, confused etc, cry can make you calm even the problem haven't solve yet - Ain, 2015.

May I be the stronger person my self ever met! Aminn.

Opposite sex - best friends.

Assalamualaikum.

Few days ago mase duk ralit scroll down FB news feed, terjumpa one screenshot conversation between bestfriends, opposite sex-bestfriend. Ape yang buat aku tertarik is the caption "inilah jadinya bila bestfriend kau seorang lelaki..". As you guys can see the attached pic here, that girl nak meluahkan problem dia to her bestfriend which is a guy. Nampak cute kan?But in reality, for my case, its totally different.

I do have few guy bestfriend. Biase lah fomfuan kasor plus bbw macam iols ni, stock buat bestfriend je der. HAHA. Yang stock stock comeylotey, keayuan tu semua stock buat awek kan. Yes I is faham. But I do glad that I have them as my bestfriend, we can talk dirty without feel ashamed or guilty, we can rely when we have problem with our motorcycle, part ni untuk aku je la, we can share something loveydovey yang sesuai untuk di share dengan girl yang bukan awek (tak sesuai share sesame lelaki, dikuatiri kedengaran gay-ish), etc.

People said that we can't be bestfriend with someone that opposite sex, because they said any relationship that included opposite sex members will lead to a romantic relationship. Yes it might be happen but surely not for me, I mean tengoklah aku macamane plus diorang ni over taste tinggi melangit so, there's no chance at all that we can fall in love with each other. LOL sangat. Plus am the type of person that hardly falls in love especially to someone that I know for a long time. Like hello aku kenal baik buruk atas bawah luar dalam, camno la den nak terfalling in love nye?

Plus for my case, they're all occupied, means they're not single. Kitorang rapat pon even before diorang ni in relationship. But still they can share anything including their relationship prob/stories etc. Macam borak kedai kopi gitu ah. Yang nak bagitau different ape yang jadi dengan attached pic with my case is diorang yang mengadu domba, meluah rasa. Pulaknya jenis yang meluahrasa bukan boleh main message/whatsapp tapi kena bercakap, kena call, kena dengar suara.

Frankly speaking, bestfriend (guy) pulak jenis emotional lebih, kang lambat angkat or bila kredit habis and tak call back kate kite ni taknak layan problem die, hadoii. Bace macam cute kan, tapi nak melayan tuuu, pusing kaplaa. Siap keluar ayat "dahla Ain, ko macam taknak reply je, sorry susahkan kau, yada yada". Mak is stress. Yela dulu zaman study kadangkadang busy kesini kesitu kan. Lambat reply mase emo conversation, dah cakap kite taknak layan. Kadangkadang pulak call pukul 2-3 pagi semate mate suruh dengar die main gitar, lagu dituju untuk awek tapu pakse aku dengar. Grrrr.

Tapi its ok, bila teringat balik rasa kelakar sangat, and I happy that I'm always there for them. Takdapat tolong settle problem tapi jadi telinga untuk dengar masalah pun ok what. As long as they're feel better, I'm a happy to help. Here's few tips for this kind of friendship :

1. Keep a logic distance.

- Janganlah duk mesej/call/berkepit 24/7. Kang bila orang cakap 'eh korang ni ehem ehem ke' kan dah awkward, plus awkward situation makes people separate tho. Plus nanti patner dia or patner kite pikir bukan bukan. Tak bagus.

2. Be reminded that we're not here for occupied their heart.

- Na-ah! Stick to friendship rules.

3. Stay away from awkward conversation.

- Ade kan benda benda awkward yang tak sesuai dikongsi and better keep it by our self. So dont share, refer to no.1, awkward situation makes people separate. Yelah kau dah termalu malu teruslah malu nak share benda lain kan.

Thats all. Panjang akak bebel.

Hasta manyana !

Bebel bebel

Assalamualaikum.

Selamat Hari Raya uols!

Dah raya ke-12 dah weh, hahaha tak kisahlah. Kate orang Joho kan, raya sebulan peh. So, my hari raya was fine, smooth and yang paling penting, less moody & less drama. Drama sikit sikit tu biasa ler, tak rayer ler kalau tak drama. Like previous hari raya (25th raya already), last day berbuka kat rumah nenek, rewang rewang kejap lepastu cabut balik rumah. Pagi raya baru datang balik, ni lah untungnya bila rumah dekat dekat. Family's theme this year is green, yeayyy my fav colour.

Skip cerita raya--

Banyak sebenarnya benda nak share tapi nak karang plus nak tapis untuk kesesuaian tontonan umum adalah sangat payah eh. Lemme start with BAD DECISI0N. Me my self with bad decision adalah macam saka, tak boleh dipisahkan and selalunya something yang kita tahu benda tu akan menyusahkan but still taking risk. Dah nama pun Ain kan, tak buat salahsilap tu memang tak sah. Tapi being this kind of person makes me more matured and have some experience to share with people around me.

Everyone have their own history, either the bad ones or the beautiful ones. Kita ni manusia biasa jer, memang selalu sangat buat benda bodoh tapi kena sedar diri, jangan lah ulang balik and become a better person after that. Tapi pulaknya ada segelintir manusia ni lupa, lupa yang dia pun pernah buat silap, lupa yang dia pun ada bad history, lupa yang diri dia tu manusia biasa jugak. Duk sibuk canang sini sinun pasal history orang, duduk cucuk sana sini. Hari raya ni cheq, baru semalamnya hang duk salam peluk nangis mintak maaf, harini hang duk mengata pasal orang tu. Doa yang terbaik sudahlah.

Jangan sampai satu hari nanti, ada orang singkap sejarah silam kelam hang tuu!

0k tutup cerita hat tu. Next! Still pasal bad decision. Pasal budak budak hingusan zaman sekarang ni. Duk sibuk bercinta sana sini sampai tolak mak bapak semata mata nak mempertahankan cinta monyet. Yang si boboy, SPM pun tak amek lagi, pegi sekolah pun malas tapi sibuk nak amik nak hantar anak dara orang. Yang si gegirl pulak, nak kata desperate, umur baru 18tahun, nak kata takde rupa, aku tengok boleh tahan jer tapi yang pilih bf tak abis spm plus malas pegi sekolah ngapelaa deknon oi. Bukak bukak la mata, cari lah yang habis sekolah, yang berkerja.

Bf dia tu dah lah tak amik spm lagi, pegi sekolah pun malas plus dah malas sekolah tu, pegi lah kerja, tidak jugak. Habis tu macamane bercinta tu? Bukan ke bercinta ni nak gi dating, nak belanja movie, karok, top up. Haihh setakat bf macamni kau sanggup gaduh dengan bapak kau terok terok, berbaloi ke? Jangan esok lusa bila kau dah reti  fikir, baru nak tergadah menyesal tiada gunaaaa.

No, aku bukan materialistik tapi aku realistik. 

Next! Bad big decision. Marriage is the most big decision you will ever make in your entire life. Bukan main main. Bukan harini kawen, esok clash, cari suami/isteri baru. Bukan harini gaduh, esok nak break sekejap. Nope. Marriage is all about commitment. Yes aku belum kawen but I have family and friends yang dah kawen. Plus aku jenis manusia yang reti nak observe plus kita pilih benda betul instead pilih benda salah. Untuk nasihat benda benda betul & benda positive, I dont have to be a married woman to giving +ve advises. Simple as that.

Plus before kawen tu, tak pikir masak masak ke? Ke sebab tengok semorang kawen, kau nak kawen. Benda ni bukan untuk orang lain, its for my own self jugak, esok lusa nak kawen pikir lapahpuluhribukali. Betul ke nak kawen, betul ke boleh hidup sesame sampai bongkok tiga, betul ke boleh commits towards each other even theres so many problem we will be facing in the future?

"Love doesn't just sit there, like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; remade all the time, made new." - Ursula Le Guin

Dah penat bebel, nak bayar berapa nih?

Hasta manyana!

Mash-up

Assalamualaikum.

Since forever dah tak update sini, moh la kita start balik. Rasanye belum terlambat lagi nak wish Salam Ramadhan. Even lagi 5 hari nak syawal dah. Atleast ada jugak la post untuk Ramadhan tahun ni. Everything was fine and on going. Emo sane sini biase la tuh. Ramadhan tahun ni rase macam aku dah tua sangat, ntah. Raya pulak memang dah 2-3 tahun ni no more raya mood. Raya untuk kanak kanak je kot. Ke perasaan aku je?

Ni aku nak share, FB post (emo post) :

Meleis sangat.

Bila guna 'iftar' instead berbuka hilang kemelayuan. Bila pakai jubah katenyer nak jadi arab, takut kemelayuan hilang didunia, Hang Tuah pun tinggal nama je kat dunia ni dik. Nasib baik Jebat ade lagi kat Astro Mustika. Bila orang lagi pentingkan kemelayuan dari keislaman.

Meleis sangat.

Bila wombat disangka babi. Eh xboleh sebut babi, khinzir lagi elok. Bila tanda salib tiba tiba muncul dimana mana, di pagar, di baju raya. Katenyer benda sedemikian rupa mampu menggugat keimanan seseorang. Sampaikan salib di gereja pun terpaksa diturunkan.

Meleis sangat.

Bila part nak jatuhkan melayu sendiri, dia no 1. Instead of tegur diorang lebih suka kutuk. Padahal rasa iri hati mengatasi segalanya. Bila serbanistas kate xboleh panggil 'mummy', dikatakan maksud binatang disebaliknya. Bila dulu kononnya lagu 'Gangnam Style' dikatakan mengutuk Nabi Muhammad, nak jadi yahudi yada yada. Tu belum sentuh part dubmash & aiskrim pasu.

Tapi bukan semua melayu, meleis kan. Se-dua-tiga-gelintir je kan. Selamat bersungkai, eh karang orang mengata pulak konon nak jadi Sabahan.

For sure ramai dah baca pasal, Astro Awani posts on FB, pasal Arabnism kat Malaysia bikin kemelayuan hilang. Macam aku dah bebel kat atas tu, ni semua issue basi yang tak patut jadi issue pon. Bazir mase. Plus last 2 day, kecoh pasal Lowyat. Melayu jugak tu. Issue racism lagi. Whatevs malas dah aku nak layan. Bace buat hilang bosan boleh la. Basii.

Tu je nak update. Selamat Hari Raya uols !

Hasta manyana !

Buat Perangai

Assalamualaikum.

Someone who really know me will know that me and Mak are always like cat and dog. Ade je bende tak kena. Tak kena pada aku, tak kena pada dia. Senang cerita tak pernah sependapat. Dari zaman study dulu, tak boleh cuti lame sikit (like sem break) mesti 2nd or 3rd day dah start gaduh. Aku tak macam Along, die lemah lembut, dengar cakap plus Mak pun sayang die lebih. So memang aku sorang ah dalam rumah ni tempat lepas marah, tempah gaduh Mak. Yang jejantan tak payah cakap lah, memang di sanjung bak sultan.

Memang dari azali aku tak pernah tak gaduh dengan Mak. Pasal tak buat kerja rumah la, pasal tak pakai tudung, pasal pakai baju tak sopan, pasal perangai, pasal semua benda. Pantang gaduh, kang dengar la aku hentak pintu kuat kuat walaupun zaman tu pintu dah xboleh lock, so aku & Along lock pintu guna sendal pakai surat khabar. Semua benda tak kena dari hujung rambut sampai hujung kaki. Ntah.. I couldn't remember when the last time I felt the same like today. Seingat aku, aku dah move on. Dah malas nak pikir pasal sedih medih macam ni yg in the end, aku tetap akan sedih.

Dari aku muda remaja, memang problem. Malas belaja, bengap sikit, terikut ikut kawan (kate diorg), asik bergayut sampai bill mengunung, sekolah agama tak habis, memang banyak point ah nak kena dengan Mak. Aku pulak pantang dengan orang tak habis habis lecture. Panas sangat telinga mula la nak membalas, mengamuk, menjerit. Well that's me. Aku tak pernahnya betol. Kalau diaries aku masih wujud, memang banyak ah caci maki sumpah seranah dalam tu.

The most things that can me relief is I told myself that one day I will leave this house, so that everyone can be happy ever after esp Mak. Aku berharap hari hari, lepas aku abis sekolah memang aku angkat kaki. Tup tup lepas Spm tak dapat banyak offer, bengap kan, dapat Politeknik Arau tapi Mak tak kasi, jauh sangat, dapat Unisel, Angah cucuk Mak cakap tak bagus, swasta. Last last aku masuk Form 6.

Habis Form 6, angkat kaki pergi Pahang, sambung degree 3 tahun. Habis degree terus kerja kat Damansara but now am stuck back here. Ni baru lepas gaduh entah kali ke berapa ribu untuk 2015. And after soo long, hasrat aku nak berambus datang lagi. Aku nak kerja jauh jauh, kerja yang tak boleh cuti raya. Kerja shift, kerja yang macam takde life macam my previous job. Aku nak balik Kluang setahun sekali je. Aku nak tukar no phone so that no one can reach me nor find me.

Ya Allah, bagi lah aku rezeki ini ya Allah.

But I know my self well. Bila aku start duduk jauh/duduk luar Kluang, I will always make time to balik at least once in 2 weeks. If tak silap aku, masa kat Pahang, paling lama takbalik sebulan, and masa kat Kl, 2 bulan paling lama. Home is always be my comfort place, my heaven in this world. Sekeras keras hati aku, ada sikit tisu gak. Yeah maybe Mak and I are meant to be to bergaduh all the time. Sayang tak semestinya bersatu kan.

Let my dream to be where they should be.

Love-hate-connection

Assalamualaikum.

2015 is my 25th years living in this world, this extraordinary creation of God. Age changed me alot. From a rebel kiddo to a matured lady, from zero to something. My family is one of the reasons for me to change, to be a better person. As some people know, I'm not a family person when I was a teenager. I rather choose outsider (which is friends) than my own blood. At that time, friends is everything, they always for you up and down, understand you until makes you think that you don't need your family.

But everything changed. When friends leaving, family still there. When I'm fall, my family will help me out. Whatever bad thing I did, curse I make, they stand still. People come and go but your family will never be that 'people'.

Almost 5 years I'm away, not living with them, makes me appreciate them more, makes me realize that I need them more than everything. And the more important part is I'm more protector than before. I  hate when people treat them badly. Bak kata orang Melayu "cubit peha kiri, peha kanan terasa sakitnya".

Unfortunately, my family such an angel. Helping or treating people so fucking nicely even that people will never give back what you give them. Those people are so selfish, they only appear when they need something but my family, like always, be there for them every times. Imma a hatred thou, once you make me or you treated my fam badly, you will never be in my list. So just take it when I treat you bad, its karma.

" When you realize that you're constantly treating a person alot better than they treat you, its time to make a change. "

I can be an angel if you be nice to me but watch out, am surely have my evil part too. U messed up with my family, u mess with me too!

Hasta manyana !

Obsession

Assalamualaikum.

Sejak dua menjak ni asyik ngadap banyak movie. Lama and baru. The latest one is The Cobbler, rasenye tak keluar lagi kat Malaysia. Adam Sandler kan, so tau tau je la macam mane gila dia tu. Tapi macam sedih tengok movie tu sebab Adam nampak tua sangat. Maybe sebab dia bawak watak macam tu tapi kat mata tu nampak sangat tua. Huaaa my fav actor dah tua means aku pun tuaaa. Semua movie aku tengok online, yelah madang tengok panggung je tapi at last yang bestnye popcorn semata. Mak is stress!

Last two night kot, tak hingat, I'm watching Insurgent, sambungan dari Divergent. Perghh memang terbaik lah cerita macam ni. Divergent aku tengok dalam 2-3 bulan lepas kot pastu keluar pulak kat Astro. Insurgent pun tengah main lagi kat panggung (if tak silap). Dahla hero mantap gitu, hensem, ber-tattoo. Pastu muka macam pelakon Malaysia, sape name die, khairi belakang die gitu. Tapi movie ni memang highly recommended! 

And aku dah tengok Fifty Shades of Grey, hmmm malas nak ulas. Best ceritanye tapi banyak part tutt lah kan, tapi rasenye takde lah exotic sangat, lebih kurang movie yang boleh tayang kat Malaysia tapi part tutt tu extra banyak. Tu je. Tapi part Christian duk sweet dengan Ana tu buat Iols tersengih sengih jugakla. Gila tak tersengih, naik kapal terbang peribadi, bagi kereta, Ana tak angkat call terus datang. Auwww. Tapi macam kurang fit la watak Christian dengan that guy. Kena lagi charm kot. Btw great ending.

Ok, after three paragraph, currently I'm obsessed with series! Latest series pulak tu, so kena tunggu one week for new episode. Two different series pulak tu. Stress! Izombie & The Returned. Izombie pasal Liv, medic, pergi satu party tetiba jadi zombie. So dia consume brains la kan, and luckily lepas jadi zombie dia kerja dekat makmal jenayah, so bila dia makan otak mangsa mangsa dia dapat vision siapa yang bunuh si mati la. At the same time, dia tolong la detektif tu settle kan case. So satu ep satu case. The Returned pulak pasal orang mati hidup balik, like a girl after 6 years dead, a guy after 7 years etc. Each person ada cerita masing masing. Awal awal episod show like diorang tak bahaya, bukan zombie la, latest episod baru nak tunjuk how danger they turned to be. Omg cannot wait ! Meh aku share sinopsis ;

Izombie - Liv Moore was a medical resident and an overall happy person. She had a happy loving family, a funny and cute fiance and she loved spending time with her friends. But her whole life went downhill at a party, at which she was turned into a zombie. Now she only hungers for brains. She quit her job at which she had a promising career, and started to work at the Seattle PD morgue, not only to satisfy her urge for brains, but to help the Police Department at solving crimes as a "psychic" consultant. With the help of her boss Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti, who is more fascinated by her condition than scared of it, and Detective Clive Babinaux, who believes that Liv is a psychic, she must help the people of Seattle, understand her condition, find out how she was turned into a zombie, and fight a menace on the rise.

The Returned - Focuses on a small town that is turned upside down when several local people, who have been long presumed dead suddenly reappear, having not aged and unaware of their own fatality. As they attempt to resume their lives, strange phenomena and gruesome murders begin to occur.

Banyak lagi aku tengah follow, Roommate, Korean Tv series, aku dah follow dari tahun lepas, dah seasons 2 dah. Semua aku tengok online, nak tunggu tv, lambatt. Haa Interns, Singapore Tv series, almost last episode, aku tak kenal pun pelakonnya semua, kenal script writer je, so dengan fancy-sarcastic dialog makes me stay. HAHA. And lastly, Yo Soy Betty, La Fea. Ni aku layan kat tv. Mengimbau dulu dulu, mase tingkatan 1 kot. Dah episod 100 dah ni. lagi lebih kurang 35 episod. Aku sebenarnya nak tunggu part transform je. 

Kemain telenovela ni kan, ingat lagi dolu dolu mase sekolah, tunggu sampai ngantuk cerita kat NTV7 & TV3. Rosalinda, Miss Tres Hermanas, Maria Mercedez, etc. Tua dah woiii !

Hasta manyana ( See you tomorrow - pengaruh Betty )

Circle

Assalamualaikum

Circle? Bulat? Ade ape dengan sang cicle.

Actually aku baru post something kat facebook. A photo with a quote. Me and quotes were inseparable. Aku suka quotes and sometimes aku boleh create my own quotes. Ok melalut lagi. Aku post gambar me & Uniten's friends while we celebrating new year for 2011. Our precious new year eve at Teluk Cempedak, Kuantan. With quote :

" Things change and friends leave. But life doesn't stop for anybody." - Stephen Chbosky

Yeah, people come people go. Kitaran yang kita akan lalui dari kecik sampai kita mati. I do have friends when am in kindergarden but as soon start masuk real school, I dont even remember them. Same lah seterusnya, dari primary school,i membawak ke uni life sampailah office mate. They're my friends but they aren't real friend.

My truly friends are the one who stay even we're not talk everyday, we're not met every month. And they still there when we need.

Kalau nak kira kawan, tak cukup jari nak kira. I used to have ramai sangat close friend but in the end someone who I think he/she will be there are neven been there pon. Like bertepuk sebelah tangan. I dont blame them, its me. Aku cepat sangat close dengan orang, that's why. Aku cepat sangat entitled them as my friends.

But now, am minimize my circle. Only the limited edition will be in. I dont want to history repeat itself. With couple of times being betrayed, I cant take it no more. I feel wasted, wasted for being a good friend to they, wasted because I used choose them over my family. Tu lah, orang dah cakap, family 1st. Degil sangat kan dah kena.

I never regret anything. Semua yang jadi mematangkan aku. So that I can make clear decision, so I can choose wisely. So people tak boleh pijak aku lagi. No, am not going to curse or blame you. Doakan kau untuk bahagia lebih membahagiakan aku. Kita sama sama bahagia, cuma tak bersama. Memasing ade hidup memasing.

Shit happens, life must go on.

Novel Review : Angus, Himself *Lejen Press

Assalamualaikum.

Ok dah lama sebenarnye addicted kat Lejen Press punya product ni. Ohsem sangat, bukan typical novel with typical love story. Tak ingat bila start follow and collect buku buku ni, if aku boleh rewind nanti aku buat post lain. Sebenarnya ade banyak buku waiting list untuk dibaca, beli banyak masa kat Damansara. Tapi since work situation sangat busy and takde life, so stop la midnight reading session aku. So lately ni baru nak start brush up reading skill. Ok ok start review, Ain !

Angus, Himself by A.B. Hashim

Ni satu satunya English novel by Lejen Press yang aku ada. If tak silap ade lagi beberapa lagi nurkilan AB Hashim ni, Timid, Five Thieving Bastard etc. Ntah macam mane tak jadi beli Timid haritu. One thing yang paling melekatkan aku dengan buku ni sebab dia punya latar tempat, which is Tronoh, Ipoh. Bayangkan ah kau baca English novel yang kekonon fefeling oversea but its happen in Ipoh. One of my fav place, ntah dari dulu. If aku percaya dengan past life, maybe hayat aku dulu aku stay Ipoh.

Lagi satu, Angus's lifestyle. Sex and liquor. Simple life, tak serabut, no commitment. Woman craving for him just because people talk about him. Dia takpayah promote himself or approach woman with perfect pick up line pon. Perfecto ! And how he's fulfilled woman needs. Ohhh perfect hero. Plus tak perlu jalan cerita meleweh leweh, different timeline and how Angus hates Kl's hectic. 

Tapi banyak part poem yang aku skip just because I cant wait for another sessions with Angus. HAHA

" Be a man. That's the least you can do. 'Coz the hero spots are taken "

2015 Weddings

Cryin'

Assalamualaikum.

When I decide to move out from Kl, I left everything behind. Love, life, job & friends. I never regret whatever happens. Semuanya ade hikmah, cepat atau lambat, sedar or tak sedar je. Ye aku bersyukur. I will more in the future, Insyallah.

Tak sangka dah almost 1 year. Rase macam baru semalam je. Bangun pepagi 740am, mandi pakai baju tunggu 820am, turun tunggu rapid, beli breakfast, bukak office, ngadap kerja nonstop sampai 620pm. Balik kerja around 630pm, tunggu rapid, lalu jejantas, tapau dinner, sampai rumah mandi, tidur. The same routine for 1 year plus.

Within that time, I met J. Since we live in the same area, different condo, I met him almost every night. After work, he will drop by to see me, to send me food. Either we went out or just lepak in  condo compound. Talk about everything, fights every second. Sometimes bila Qis came for a visit, we lepak together.

Finally I left.

But we never stop keep in touch, still updating whatever happen in our new life without met. Until on the night of my birthday, he wanted to do video call. On the 1st 30 second, both of us just smiling at each other, checking each other face, stare eyes. And we talked, like we used to.

The moment after I ended the call, I cried. Teresak esak. Sampai tersedu. I just dont know why. And terus text Qis, tell her what happen and when she ask 'kenapa kau nangis?', I replied, 'aku rindu,. Then tidur esok bangun mate bengkak sikit.

And last night, he texts me. I told him that am not feeling well, and he wanted to visit me. And we talk talk talk until I ask him, 'what u want from me, J?', he replied,

'I want u back to me'.

Aku? Sambung nangis lah.

Another Year, Another Cake

Assalamualaikum.

Since I realize that people dont read blog anymore, I think I dont have post more frequent. Aku sendiri pun dah tak selalu blogwalking, semua fav blogger pon dah tak selalu post. Yang gigih post every two days tu memang respect okay. Nowdays dah banyak medium untuk share your writing like facebook, twitter and kadangkadang wechat. But seriously, the feel tak sama like how we wrote in blog. No limit words, space and reader.

Haiyoo, bebel pasal orang tak baca blog pon dah se-perenggan.

3 days ago was my birthday and automatically my mom's too ! Happy birthday Mak. Nothing much, just hi tea on the evening for 2 slide SR cakes and at night, Angah bought pizza and ice cream cake! Yeayyy. Dah lama tak celebrate with Mak on the actual date. Yelah dulu masa belajar for sure ade kat Muadzam and last 2 years kat Kl. Anddd pagi tuu awkward sangat nak wish kat Mak. But like always, pelakon hebat katenyerr, relaks je. Lepas mandi terus peluk mak and wish.

Kemain Mak, malam mase potong cake die pakai jubah. Iols dengan baju kelawarnya ditambah dengan cardigan sejibik macam bibik. Thanks Angah !

Facts or Fictions?

1. This is seriously going to get personal, you ready?
- How personal you can go?

2. The last time you felt honestly broken?
- Around May 2014

3. Are you craving something?
- Hotel's breakfast buffet

4. If you could have one thing right now what would it be?
- Lots of money

5. Would you rather have ten kids, or none?
- 10. But its too much

6. What do you hear right now?
- Mix Fm

7. Is your bed against more than one of your walls?
- No

8. What’s on your mind right now?
- Lots of thing I need for live

9. Are you there for your friends?
- Will try my best

10. Last person to see you cry?
- My family. When we send my parents for Hajj

11. What do you do when you get nervous?
- Sweating

12. Be honest, do you like people in general?
- Not really

13. How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids?
- 29 maybe. I don't even have a bf right now

14. Does anyone completely understand you?
- Not really. I'm alone by my self

15. Do you have a reason to smile right now?
- Nope

16. Has anyone told you they don’t ever wanna lose you?
- Yes.

17. Would you be happier if life had a rewind button?
- YES!

18. Do you tell your mum or dad everything?
- No. Refer no.14

19. Does it matter to you if your boyfriend or girlfriend smokes?
- No. I'm ex smoker, why would I mind?

20. Are you going to get hurt anytime soon by someone?
- No

21. This time last year, can you remember who you liked?
- Yeah the one and only

22. Do you think more about the past, present, or future?
- Past. I cant live without my past

23. How many hours of sleep do you get a night?
- 6hrs ++

24. Are you easy to get along with?
- Yeah but I'm terrible to starts a conversation

25. Do you hate the last girl you had a conversation with?
- I dont remember who the last girl. HAAHA

26. What was the last drink that you put in your mouth?
- Plain water. I'm not a fans of sweet drinks

27. What size bed do you have?
- Queen

28. Do you start the water before you get in the shower or when you get in?
- When I get in. Under it

29. Do you like the rain?
- Sangat sangat

30. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
- Yes. Because I havent reply his msg yet (:

31. Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t do?
- Yes. Banyakk

32. Would people refer to you as a goodie goodie, bad news, or neither?
- Bad news. HAHA

33. Who were you last in the car with, besides family?
- Shahdan, we're went to Faizninaa wed's

34. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters and with who?
- Suamiku Perfect 100%, with my sister and I regret. Wasted RM10 for that kind of movie. Not my thang!

35. Have you ever kissed someone who had a boyfriend/ girlfriend?
- HAAHA (yes?)

36. Have you ever been hurt by someone you never thought would hurt you?
- Yes. Backstabber

37. Your parents are out of town. Would you throw a massive party?
- No. Aku bukan kaki partyy, lemass

38. Do you regret a past relationship?
- No. I'd appreciate all my past 

39. Would you rather spend a Friday night at a concert or a crazy party?
- Concert. I can be crazy at concert

40. Do you tend to fall for the same type of person over and over?
- YES

41. Have you made a joke about somebody that made them cry?
- Maybe yes. Couldn't remember. Maybe they crying at my back

42. Do you care too much about your appearance?
- Sometimes. Tengok tempat and situasi

43. Are you a jealous person?
- Yes, am born with it

44. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
- Yes. Undies

45. Do you miss anyone?
- Yes so fucking much

46. Last person who made you cry?
- My mom

47. Does your ex piss you off?
- Always. Even sebelum jadi ex. Can?

48. What are you doing tomorrow?
- Sabtu, tidooo

49. Are you the type of person who has a new boyfriend/ girlfriend every week?
- No

50. Is there anyone you want to come see you?
- Yes

51. Have you ever been cheated on?
- Yes

52. Ever given your all to someone who walked away?
- Yes but both of we decide to end it

53. Do you like cotton candy?
- I hate sweet things

54. Who was the last person you had a serious conversation with?
- My mom

55. Are you planning to get knocked up or knock someone up by age 17?
- Knocked up what? Apetuu

56. Do you have siblings?
- I have 2 brothers and 1 sister.

57. Have you ever fallen asleep on someone?
- Yes

58. How has the past week been for you?
- Same like every week. Nothing awesome

59. Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?
- Yes. Shahdan. All the time, up and down

60. What’s on your mind right now?
- Ape movie nak tengok lepas ni

61. What were you doing at midnight last night?
- Chatting until like 3am

62. What is your current mood?
- Bored and stress and hungry

63. Who was the first person you talked to today?
- My mom

64. Will this week be a good one?
Its friday, almost end of week

65. Anything happen to you within the past month that made you really happy?
- No

66. Who were you with last night?
- Fam

67. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?
- No. Eh maybe, chatting kan

68. Next time you will kiss someone?
- Dunno. No plans

69. Who should start the kiss, the girl or the boy?
- Boy

70. Do you have any plans for the weekend?
- Tolong mak masak, ada kenduri arwah on tomorrow night

Racist, problem or mentality issue?

Assalamualaikum.

It's been a while, but am back. Yup sihat, cukup makan cukup pakai but belum cukup bahagia. Alright, straight to the topic.

I'm not, never be and will not be a racist. Aku tak berat sebelah, aku tak judge orang by colour, religion and race. Well, I hate people equally. Haha. During my childhood my parents used send me to an Indian Muslim woman who taking care my siblings and me with so much love. She used to bring us to her friend's house which is an Indian family to celebrate Deepavali. From that moment, I being exposed that we're Malaysian and nothing is wrong sharing our country with other race.

And during my school, I've been friend with other race too. There's no such reason or issue for me to not to be mingle around with them. I respect them, so do they. Aku taknak sebut pasal hak or whatsoever here, this is just about educating and respect. Kita semua sama, manusia biasa, why being so paranoid to this issue, yang tak kemana.

As everyone know, baru baru ni naik issue pasal "I'm a Muslim and I love Hindus". Ada 1 group from Indonesia (if a not mistaken lah) opens about their opinion. When the first time I saw that, cross in my mind, 'oh diorang nak cakap, other religion respect to Hindus for the Thaipusam pray thingy'. Thats all. But today benda dah jadi issue. Netizen (MELAYU) be like ; oh how a Muslim girl membodohkan diri pegang that banner cakap macamtu. Dia nak murtad ke. Dia bercinta dengan Hindus ke. Dia nak convert ke etc.

I'm like... speechless. How low our people mindset towards this kind of issue? For me, the reason diorang buat macamni utk kesedaran SEMUA rakyat Malaysia yang kita tak pernah judge of any religious event or occasions. Like we know, everytime ada perayaan kaum, other race be like kutuk sana sini, brings out issue semua. For ex, biasa terjadi when tiba waktu Thaipusam, other race be like, 'ahh, mesti jalan jem' or 'semak ah diorang ni sembahyang waktu waktu cuti'.

Bila Hari Raya pulak, other race bising pulak bila orang orang kita main mercun tengah tengah malam or malam raya jalan jadi jammed sebab last minute shopping utk kejar sales. Bila Chinese New Year, orang orang kita bising, orang cina main mercun, memekak tak boleh tidur. Padahal masa raya kau, bukan main sedap kau habiskan sekotak mercin bola. Wah wah wah.

But when it comes to cuti, wahhh 1 Malaysia happy (boss boss je la benci cuti). Time ni lah bersyukur Malaysia ada banyak kaum and agama, so that ada occasions tertentu dapat cutii. Thats why la kita dapat cuti, so that kita boleh terfikir untuk respect those occasions. Bukan memekak.

Back to Thaipusam-I love Hindus-story. Diorang cuma nak tunjuk respect saje, that's all. Yang memulut Cik cik Kiah, Pak pak Mat tempe ni duk judge budak tu ape pasal? Uneducated sungguh. Plus they wrote, Hindus not Hindu. Hindus means for people, not religion itself. Paham tak? Mentality orang kita, duduk foward issue macam ni dalam Facebook page, Whatsapp group untuk kutuk kutuk, bukan untuk terangkan the main reason. Alahai, padahal ape yang difoward tu pun dia tak paham.

One of the respon I get from Whatsapp group, "Yg betina atas takde keje...memang kemarok nak cari laki ke****, Alhamdullilah dijauhkan seliseh malaikat 44...". Baca je dah tau kan, how mentality and how low their education is.

Tunggu je nanti bulan Feb, CNY, beratur la malays buat status pasal firework, memekak lah hape lah, padahal ko sedare mare ko main malam raya tak sedorr!

Racist ni its all about mentality disease.